He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
