Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
