I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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