Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
