I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
