why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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