I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
