My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
