i just had sex bonerless
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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