My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
