Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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