She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
