with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
