Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
