sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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