Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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