Nicole vs. Life
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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