If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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