I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
