walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wear drunk well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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