Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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