I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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