Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
