Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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