i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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