so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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