Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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