Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
