I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
