The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pants are for mortals
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
