he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
