I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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