I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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