You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
