Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry my hands just texted you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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