anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
