I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
