The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
