The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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