Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
