Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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