I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
