I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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