My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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