Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
