i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
