My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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