they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
