"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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