So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
