I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
