I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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