well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
