i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
