I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
