Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We are all done wearing pants today
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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