i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just cut my nipple shaving
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
