There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
