Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize