She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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