I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
