I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
