I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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