Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
