Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
