I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
