she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
