I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
