haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
