CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
