The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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