he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
