just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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