Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
