This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
