Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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