i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
