Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
