i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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