I need help removing her.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
